And Two.

My Mom with my niece Gab on photo when she
was still a baby..

It's been couple of years since my Mom's passing and our family home never felt so empty since she left. My sister and I only come home during our days off from work to pay our house a visit every week. We have four dogs guarding our massive house along the highway and the house was left under our elder sibling's care since after our Mom passed on.

A lot of things went on over the last two years. My eldest sister who now lives at our empty house studied driving and now good at it although our Mom probably would approve of her driving if she was still alive but not her driving like a speed freak. My twin sister and including our eldest sister in the family all underwent surgery (Laparoscopic Cholesystectomy) to rid off our gall stones (yes it is genetic) and myself an RAI. Our Mom always felt terrible when she was still alive whenever someone in our family gets sick so just imagine how she must've felt when we all went through surgery. My twin sister had her surgery same year as I was whilst our eldest sister just a few months ago.

The year of her passing, we've been having visitations of her in our dreams. She would constantly remind us to take care of each other, most especially our Dad. We spent our growing years with our Mom because our Dad was busy with work stuff, getting assigned to various places in the country because he held a good position with the national government back them which required him to be relocated. He worked for the government for thirty years and we were already all grown up when he retired. When our Mom passed away we lost our mediator, she often ask our Dad whenever we need something for school when we were kids, she was always there during our recognition day, school programs, report card day and every singing contests my twin sissie and I won etcetera. We just started to get to know our father better when our Mom died.

A year before she left, my twin sister and I adopted a ginger cat to scare of mice infesting our flat. It was an old flat so what do we expect? We named him Atari and took care of him for over six months. When he was already growing up it came to a point wherein we needed to move to a different flat thus we decided to send him off to our parents house to our Mom's delight. We thought it was the best thing to do so Atari would have a bigger space to play. He became our Mom's pet eventually although we made it a point that we are still responsible for his cat food even up to now. Atari was special to our Mom that in one of my sister's dreams our Mom even included Atari there. My sister saw fishes frolicking in the water where Atari was which might've meant that we should always feed him fish like she used to do when she was still alive. We finished our Mom's memoir that same year and according to my twin sister when we handed the memoir to our Mom in her dream, our Mom weeped and she said that she will always be around even if she's already gone. True to her word, It always felt like when there's bad things bound to happen we often elude them as if some guardian angel is by our side no matter what.

My twin sister and I traveled two countries these past two years, all during our birthdays. Our Mom once told us to always have our passports ready in case a war sparks. We remembered she said this due to the ongoing territorial disputes between the Philippines and China which we thought was kind of funny but later on realized anything is possible. We made her a promise to travel for as much as we could thus last April we went to Hong Kong because that was the destination she wanted to go a year before she left.

We miss our Mom so much but it's aways selfish to not let someone go because of your own unhappiness. She devoted her whole life to us and I don't remember any single day of my life that she was not there for any of us. The best mother in the world. It was a month before her birthday when she left this world and I've always thought that her passing was the best gift God has given her so she could share her spot in heaven where the best gets theirs first. Happy second Mom. I don't want to weave grief with her passing but happiness for her eternal life. Earth is no match for heaven.

posted from Bloggeroid

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Farewell..Goodnight, So Long..Goodbye..

"Cast your burdens upon me, those who are heavily laden, come to Me all of you who are tired, of carrying heavy load.. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the burden is light.. come to Me, and I will give you rest.."

it took me a while to write again because i was consumed with so much grief due to my mom's passing. she was taken by our Lord last June 23 which was just roughly three weeks ago due to acute respiratory failure secondary to aspiration pneumonia. she was gone too soon at the age of 67.  

the only health condition we knew about her was hypertension (although we suspected other underlying illness/es). my mom hated to be taken cared of and she stressed that out so badly when she was still alive. she was the most altruistic person i've known in my entire life. a wonderful, loving mother. her permanent absence i will truly miss. 

it was dreadful which left me and my family  shocked for days. everything went on so fast. so surreal that i never had enough time to absorb and mused on what was going on.  

Death indeed is like a thief in the night...

later on my family learned that our grandma passed away June 24 (which year i never knew because i was still little back then.) i guess it' s really my mom's time to go. i think coincidence is not really a coincidence. i still have a hole in my heart up to now although my family and i already accepted the fact that she's gone.

 it's tough..it really is tough loving someone you know you'll never see ever in your lifetime. but then, i thank God for the memories that neither time will let pass. i will always love and remember her. i will always think about her and thank her for every lessons in life she taught me. i still feel stoic up until now but part of the wounds are healing although the void is still deep. i know i need to give myself a long time, enough time to heal. 

i don't have hard feelings towards the Almighty for my mom's untimely passing but questions lingered in my mind such as was it really her time to go? did she feel pain? or did she meet grandma on the afterlife?

i miss my mom. 

i hope she's with the rest of our reposed relatives on the other side. i will surely miss her homecooking and her chuckles whenever i come home.   but then i'm still happy having lived here up north and spent roughly two years seeing her during my days off from work after being away for many years due to work proximity down south, work loads and all that.

i remember how my mom always say that she's tired. we never knew what she meant by that until that very day she left us. i guess she's been enduring a lot of health issues long before which we were never aware about. we never failed pleading for her to visit the doctor although we knew she  hated it. i understand that because when people get old they hate trips to the doctor because they know for sure something is wrong. but then, my advise to our folks not getting any younger, GO see a doctor whenever you feel that something is wrong to prevent further health constraints. seeing the doctor won't hurt. that's part of life..people grow old, get sick and turn fragile. we are not invincible because that's what we humans are made--to be vurnerable to what life is there to offer may it be pain, sorrow and what have you.

let's always remember to treat each day as the last and express how we truly love the people who matter to us every day because we never really know what lies ahead.We will never know. only God can tell when your time is up.  

why do good peoole die early? i always wonder although the answer is obvious--they have fulfilled their mission in this world so their time is up so soon. sometimes, it's hard to wrap your head around it but let's never question God's will. everything happens for a reason. the reason i guess is CHANGE. for situations, relationship beween people or people habits perhaps, to change for the better. 

i always believe that whenever something wonderful is bound to happen comes tragedy. i was diagnosed with graves disease (hyperthyroidism) three months ago thus explained my sudden weightloss and also learned that t'was hereditary and affects women in my clan during their 30' s thus explains how i acquired it. a cousion of mine had it and so as my niece. i never thought that my constant leg pain was part of it. my mom was devastated because i've never been truly sick although i was a functional individual because my illness did not deter me from going to work has the leg pains. i was ok but not my parents about my health condition. i went to see a doctor and was prescribed tapdin for my thyroid while inderal for my palpitations/increased heart rate, shaky hands.

 i am well by far and gained a little weight. the last time i saw my mom almost a month ago she was happy that i was kinda back in shape. i can say that in lieu of my betterness God has laid my mom to rest possibly to tell her that i am ok and she can finally go so i always assure my mom whenever i pray at night that i am ok. by the way, i got my love for writing from my mom so there goes this journal.

i was hurt but i know too much grief won't help whilst i'm on medication so i will try my best to be happy that my mom is finally free from all the hardships of this world.

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